Thursday, October 4, 2012

Lessons Learned Thus Far

I would like to take this time to share with you some lessons I have learned in my 2 1/2 years as a parent.  I am sure that there are tons more to come but here are a few I already had the pleasure of experiencing.

1.  If I were a contractor, I would not install a lever door handle on an outward-swinging door of a public restroom.  This lesson was learned while using a one-person restroom at a local pharmacy.  My then 1 1/2 year old child managed to pull down the door handle while in the restroom with me which unlocked the push in lock and then he pushed the door open while I was mid-stream (sorry for the crude honesty).  I was warned I would no longer have privacy in the bathroom at home but little did I know that 4 or 5 strangers would get to join in the festivities.

2.  Mr. Potato Head does not belong in the bath tub.  First, let me say that Mr Potato head does make a really cool bath toy (without any of his parts).  When dunked under water, he creates tons of bubbles then when held up, water pours from all of the holes and would seem harmless and lots of fun!  But when thrown across the bathroom while full of said bath water, he essentially becomes a plastic water balloon.  Suddenly a cool idea became a very bad idea! It would AMAZE you how much water Mr Potato head can hold until you have to mop and mop and mop it up.  Just sayin'.

3.  Dads don't ever look at the "What might happen" situation.  It's like moms have a psychic ability to see an accident happen before it actually does.  I mean it seems common sense to not come barreling through a door you can't see on the other side of or chase a child from behind while he is riding a bicycle...ON ASPHALT! 

4.  Flatulence or "poots" can embarrass you more than just the sound or smell of them.  Common occurrence around our house is when someone "poots", we say "Do you have a frog in your britches?"  Ethan thinks this is HYSTERICAL!  Well, a well-to-do eatery reopens in Albany and we decide to eat Sunday lunch after church there.  As we are rubbing elbows with Albany's finest(yeah, that's a joke within itself), my child poots.  Embarrassing enough as that is, he then announces he has "a frog in his britches" to everyone within a 15 foot radius...only he leaves out the "R" britches.  NICE ONE!   So now I have a rude, smelly toddler that cusses in public.  YESSSS!!! Score!

These are the lessons no one can teach you.  These can only be learned from traumatic experiences.  Yes, I was totally traumatized.